she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
