can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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