Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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