I'm eating all of the evidence.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
