I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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