i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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