Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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