My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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