I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
