I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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