my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think people are normalizing furries
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