Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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