Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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