hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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