the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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