just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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