good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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