nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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