i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
last night I used snow as a chaser
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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