Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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