True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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