If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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