Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
