rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
