Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
