you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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