I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
