I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
