Only a mothe r could love this liver
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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