At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
