Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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