Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
