The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
