obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
