I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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