peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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