note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
