I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
