I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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