yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
