But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
