I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize