I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
