I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
