I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
