Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
