My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize