Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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