you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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