Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
