So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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