Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
