just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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