I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
