In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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