i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
