i just had sex bonerless
barbara walters just said penis...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Farmville is her only friend.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
