I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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