I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.