Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it