i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
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so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.