this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
farters have to be the big spoon...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.