i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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