Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
