The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.