I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out