Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock

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(303): View more from Colorado

No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.

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(540): View more from Virginia

A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.

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The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
Read it at the TFLN blog
(269): View more from Michigan

We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.

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(303): View more from Colorado

You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.

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(719): View more from Colorado

What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.

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