My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
