...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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