38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
