He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
