I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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