You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
