The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
