I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
