Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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