my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
