I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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