somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
