So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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