I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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