I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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