Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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