hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
