yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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