Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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