All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
