my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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