Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
