I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
